Build a raft, become a cannibal

Given the level of gravitas generated due to extreme amounts of age based retirement anxiety, today will detail my plans for the future in hopes that they may both inspire and lead you in the coming years. It has been said that "there is no such thing as a free lunch". This is simply not true. There IS abundant free lunch if your are a proficent head-hunting cannibal. Sadly, the advancement of civilization has lend to the over gentrification of the average individual in our society. Here's the genius of my plan, with one simple change to your life you can solve both the problem of not being a proficient head-hunter and the pending financial ruin induced by entering retirement. So you, my dear reader, need to learn to build a raft. This raft serves two purposes, first it allows you to reach areas still inhabited by headhunters, secondly it allows you to reach expensive island resort/retirement communities (which will undoubtedly be teeming with overweight fat-laden humans). At this point it should be obvious to the astute readers of this diatribe that the said cannibal, the posh retirement communities, and your raft equals unlimited food! So, you may be asking about why use a raft, why not a boat, ship, or aircraft? Very simple. Stealth, cost and simplicity. Your raft will cost you near to nothing to construct. Your raft doesn't attract attention and having no motors or other noisy apparatus of our industrialized lives will not warn others of your approach. Your raft will allow you to approach and befriend head-hunting cannibals much more effectively than say a snow-mobile or hovercraft. Your raft along with your newly made cannibal friend (who by the way is drooling at the prospect of being shown the valhalla like glory of herds of fat, slow, retirees easilly found and trapped in their villas) can approach and land in isolated and quiet retirement beach communities with a minimum of noise, attracting little to now attention. Hopefully it has become clear to you the benefits of making your own raft, befriending a cannibal and setting sail for your nearest oasis of unlimited culinary delights which awaits you should you choose the bold and couragous path to both financial and foodly freedom.