Hamstruck Moonsters

There is a theory that the Moonies never really disappeared, but rather were assimilated into the socio-economical system and bought pre-made dinners with their Diners Club cards. This theory is correct. I'm not here to talk about it.

Ham. It is pork. Pork is related to Bacon. QED... Ham is related to Kevin Bacon. If you don't believe me just ask Simon Perez, he knows better than most the implications of a ham based economic disaster. Sometimes ham will be your friend and sit idly by on your breakfast plate next to the scrambled eggs, other times it will show up where you least expect it, such as in the vaccuum cleaner of the car wash. This may be a stretch for some, but to me it quite nicely explains why Kevin Bacon was at the car wash last week eating a ham sammich. Again, this is not what I'm here to talk about, what matters is that at that car wash there was a car. Not any car mind you, but a CAR.

The reason it was a CAR and not a car is because nobody could see it. You see, just as the sub-atomic realm has particles and anti-particles, so does the automotive world. Some cars you can see, and others are invisible. I know you're thinking that this has absolute nothing to do with ham. But, indulge me here... it has everything to do with ham. Why? Simple. CARs are made of ham. While the cars you drive everyday are made of metal and sometimes exotic materials such as hemp or biodegradable recycled plastic, CARs are composed entirely of ham. Anti-ham to be precise (if it was really ham, you could see and smell CARs). Why does this matter? It doesn't. You as a being composed to particles which interact and observe normal "ham" based auto will never interact or sense the "anti-ham" based particles. Which means that even though I suspect that the anti-Kevin Bacon is riding in an anti-ham cadilliac at this very moment down I-80 near Larimie, you and I will never know for sure.