An Energy Solution. For Ameriqauii

As with any problem there are multitudinous solutions of varied merit. Andrew Lloyd Frebber said it best, "As there are tauntons being eviscerated on icy moons, there are flowers bearing the fruit of wisdom borne upon the winds of thought." To this end many many many many many many many many many many many many many years ago (where many is a freaking lot) a bunch of stuff died. Then more stuff died. Then lots of this happened over and over and over again. Pretty much then we came into the picture. But LO!!!! we were not alone. Indeed the flora and fauna had passed unto the ground and become oil. Sweet, dark, black, viscous, dripping oil. For here in the land of the free amongst the cans of spam and aisles of flaked potatoe based products has arisen the ulitimate consumer. The S.U.V., maligned, beloved, and encountered by all. In the quest to conquer and to arrive both quickly and before anyone else this king of the road became the penultimate consumptor of carbon-based fuels. Along the way, exploitation, profit, greed, sex, smoking, debauchery, learning, greed, and altruism sprang into up along with countless puppet governments designed to fuel the appetites of the mighty SUV. These efforts have proved to be in vain. The bottomless maw of consumptive power fueled by the expansive parking lots of the Wal-Mart narco-industrial complex further deplete the rapidly diminishing quantities of sweet black crude beneath the gentle folds of mother earth.

Enough backstory. Now for my plan for energy independence for all....

BIO-FUEL

Clean, renewable, sustainable energy, available to all! I of course speak of nothing short of powering our SUVs using the excess poundage present in the mammoth girth of the SUV drivers themselves. What solution could be cleaner than using the very same drivers of SUVs to fuel SUVs in the first place? Nothing. Like the proverbial snake eating it's own tail, the cycle of waste not, want not, would (so to speak) be crushed beneath the weight of unlimited bio-mass fuels. In every way, the problem IS the solution. You see, unless you are daft, yet not punk, that all I am proposing here is cutting out the middle-man. In this instance father time. Why wait several million years for all this potential energy to be converted into oil. Lets get with the new century, move fast, execute, and say yes! Yes to alternative fuels, yes to a reduction in bio-mass, yes to fueling our vehicles with fat! Grudnark. out.